Some days life is just another day. Nothing outwardly spectacular happens when you pray. You go about life’s necessities and the day goes on. This was my yesterday. My sister came over briefly to get some rest while her husband was at therapy for his knee replacement. I was glad to offer her a couch to take a very needed nap. I was showing her my crochet project when I noticed, even though it was almost finished, I had messed up. I am glad she came because I might have “finished” it and not even noticed.
So I began to unravel the mess. I took out about eight rows–which meant I had to crochet them all back in! Those eight rows represented a lot of my time and effort. The project is a gift and I want it nice. The baby it is for is due soon–so I need it done. So I set myself to re-do the mess. Not fun to re-do something that you have already done! But I’ve lived long enough to understand mistakes happen.
What we do with mistakes is the question. With crocheting, it is easy. You take it out as far as you need to, but what about mistakes in relationships? That can get a bit more messy, because there are two sides. I’ve watched some messy stuff happen lately in the relationship area with some people I know. I have felt a bit helpless, but have determined to pray for them and believe with them that God will work things together for His good. I like my world all neat and tidy with every one getting along and my crochet perfect. However, neither one is realistic.
I confess as I spent time re-crocheting yesterday, I felt kind of blah. I couldn’t put my finger on it, until I realized it was an aspect of grief. Not only was I grieving with the families I talked about in my last blog; another friend lost their father this week. I was grieving for these two relationship struggles my friends are dealing with. Grief can be subtle, sneaky and stubborn. As I talked with the Lord about these things yesterday, He seemed very quiet. Then I read this scripture this morning.
Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us your servants , see you work again; let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us His approval and make our efforts successful. Yes make our efforts successful. Psalm 90:14-17.
Even though I had spent time in th Word and praying yesterday, I realized I was carrying the burden of my friends grief in my soul. Both the relationship grief as well as the lost loved ones grief. I was feeling their pain, which is not a bad thing–but I could not seem to cast it to the Lord. It weighed me down like a coat of depression. When I read the line satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love I realized I had not take the time to first re-connect to that unfailing love He has for me as well as my friends. Once again I was trying to”feel” joyful when I was carrying undo responsibility. Scripture encourages us to mourn with those that mourn so I can feel my friends sadness, but not without hope. My years of walking with my friend grief has taught me God shows up and brings His comfort, teaches us things about himself that we can only learn through grief school, and He does not leave us alone in our grief when we cry out to Him. God will show up for my friends today as they bury their loved one, he will continue to work peace together in the relationship issues because He is the ultimate peacemaker and I will finish my friends baby blanket before their dear little one arrives!