So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Matthew 19:6

May 15, 2026 would have been my 52 wedding anniversary. That morning was filled with excitement, anticipation and the knowledge that my life would forever be changed. Ours was an unusual “love” story. We met in Seattle in an old Victorian house in the central area. The house was located next to a small church called Zion United House of Prayer. My friend, George, brought me to the house during a flight layover, to meet the associate pastor of that church, Rev. E.M. Woodward. Darryl was sitting on the couch reading his Bible. As George went off to find Sister Woodward, I said, “Hello” to the man on the couch. He looked up, and said, “Praise the Lord”, in a very spiritual snob sort of tone. I felt like he was telling me, I don’t want to be bothered. When George brought her back, I forgot about that interaction. Sister Woodward prayed a prayer for me that included the same scripture I had read on the plane. Here was a stranger bringing a confirmation that I did not even know I needed!

Later, I moved into that house and began attending that church. Darryl and worked together on different projects, but didn’t date. My dream husband list only had three items. He must be a true lover and follower of Jesus Christ, be taller than I was and not very hairy (there is a back story to that part, but we aren’t going into it here). Darryl checked all three of my “must have’s”. After sometime, our church planted a church in Portland, Oregon and Darryl was part of that planting.

A year or so later, God spoke to me that He wanted me to marry Darryl. After talking it over with Sis. Woodward, she subtly tried to find out if God had been speaking to Darryl about it. She told me, I don’t think it will happen soon. Life went on and I told the Lord, “I am content”, so if that was you, then good, if not that’s ok.I am throwing it out the window, but if you want to pick it up again, that’s ok, too.”

Unbeknownst to me, she and our senior pastor, Rev. Eugene Drayton got together with Darryl while I was on a trip. He told Darryl he thought it was time for him to get . As Darryl retold this story to me, he said a rolodex of all the single ladies in the church went before his mind, but my name wasn’t on it. When they said my name, he said, “I have peace”.

Every Friday night our church held an young adult service. When it was over, Sister Woodward asked me to meet her in her office. She hemmed and hawed, and finally said, “how would you like to get married?” I went what? What happened while I was gone? (I was gone for two weeks). She said, Darryl is on his way up here to ask you to marry him tomorrow! Of course my mind was swirling, my emotions were crazy, but I also felt the unmistakable peace of God. He came, he asked and two weeks later, we were married.

I am sharing this story, not only because it is a special reminder of God’s gift to me, but to encourage all my married readers with some thoughts of “do overs” or “add ins” for my marriage. The first is probably something you hear a lot, but it doesn’t sink in. Don’t take your relationship for granted. It really can change in a day. Take the time to say “I love you” from a focused heart, not just a habit.

Take a good look at your love. See him. See her. Truly try to see them as God sees them, imperfect but loved. Ask Him to show you their heart, their dreams, their disappointments. It is often easier to take a look of your own heart, dreams and disappointments and wonder why he/she doesn’t try to meet them. The enemy of our souls wants us to fixate on all that is wrong. Take time to see what is right. Remind yourself, again, of why you chose this person in the first place. Refresh your love and care for your marriage. Not only for your sake and his, but for any children you have.

Pray for your spouse with intention, not just so they will “change”. Watch your words, tone and actions. They communicate more than you know. Follow Paul’s words to the Colossians: Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:12=13. I think if more couples committed to implementing this verse, their marriage would not only be saved, but they would be more enjoyable! Darryl and I worked hard to treat each other with kindness, even when we were upset with one another. Watch out for traps and tricks of your flesh or the enemy that would cause your heart to grow cold to each other. Ask the Lord to keep your heart tender. Talk through frustrations, get help if needed. Love the wife of your youth. Remember to be quick to forgive, unforgiveness can fester into resentment and bitterness.

At our home in Connecticut, we had a big firepit (actually a burn pile) area. One of my regrets was not joining him when he was burning. My reasoning? I was afraid of ticks and getting Lyme disease. I can only imagine what would have come from the time spent together if I would have stepped outside my comfort zone and joined him. It’s too late now. Please, my married couple friends, take advantage of the time you can spend together now.

For my single friends, we can take these words to heart and treat our family and friends with the same kindness, humility and tenderheartedness. These attributes are always useful!

Father, I pray for our married friends. I ask you to bless them with grace and mercy to love their spouse well. I thank you for helping them to love each other for who you made them to be, allowing Your Spirit to work any changes needed. Let their marriage reflect You. Please pour out any refreshment they may need, in Jesus’ Name amen.