I am sick at heart. How long O Lord, until you restore me? Psalm 6:3
These past few weeks I haven’t felt well. Congestion, coughing, fatigue and sinus issues were robbing me of my focus and well being. I called to make Drs. appointment, but he was on vacation, so it took two weeks. I thought, surely I will be better by then, but in fact it was worse. He ordered a chest x-ray, put me on antibiotics and recommended the usual OTC meds and rest.
Then, Sunday morning as I read Psalm 6, I came across this little verse where David confessed, “I am sick at heart.” I realized that not only was my body sick, but my heart was as well. I confessed to the Lord: “I admit to you this is where I am, right or wrong. My heart is sick.” It took courage to admit it. It was humbling. It was also freeing.
One description of a sick heart is one that is grieving, very disappointed, and feeling dejected. Some of life’s realities have caught me off guard lately. Unexpected difficult diagnosis, unexpected loss, or my feeling of inadequacy have left my heart feeling sick.
David goes on in the rest of the verse, “How long, O Lord, until you restore me?” As I meditated on that verse, I realized what David must have. I can’t restore my own heart. I need Him to do it. I need to trust Him to help me. Even with David asking the Lord, “how long” there is an element that it will happen. He expected to be restored. I got real honest with myself and Him. How about you? Are there any parts of your heart that may be sick? Do you have the courage to admit it? It happens to all of us, eventually. Confessing my emotions and thoughts to Him began to bring relief.
I kept reading Psalm after Psalm. Seeing myself in some of them, and being encouraged as David and the other writers shared their own struggles, was like sitting under a waterfall shower. I felt washed and free. My heart’s restoration had begun.
But I also felt unexpectedly exhausted. I went to bed and slept for two hours, woke up and went back to sleep for more. This is not something I usually can do during the day, but I woke refreshed, strengthened both in my heart and my body. For this, I am very thankful.
I asked the Lord, “how do I protect my heart from getting sick?” Then I thought maybe the right question would be first, “Can I protect my heart from getting sick?” I think that is probably more accurate. I think in our fallen world, it isn’t practical to think we won’t suffer disappointment, dejection or grief. It is one of the side effects of loving people. Our heart hurts for them and with them.
What am I trying to say? Don’t keep pushing through, or pretending your heart is ok, when it isn’t. Take the time to take it to the Lord and let Him restore your soul. Part of hurting with others is part of our fellowshipping in His suffering. He gets it and He cares that we do. We are called to bear or share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6: 2.NLT. Helping lift their load requires us to get close and personal, and that may involve some hurt. It is part of the loving package. But don’t forget, we also get to rejoice with those who rejoice! Romans 12:15. NLT.
Father, I ask that you examine our hearts and see if we are carrying any heart sickness. Please bring your restoration to those areas and help us not to be afraid of heart pain, because you aren’t. Thank you for bearing our burdens and teaching us to carry others, In Jesus’ Name, amen.
Faith Encounters 
what a timely word. Thank you for sharing these encouraging verses and thoughts
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Martha, This is so timely for me. I am asking God some of the same questions.
Partly, this is why. A friend asked the pastor if he could do a series of classes on the work of the Holy Spirit. There are 12-15 in the class on Monday nights. The first week we participated in practicing hearing from God. All ages from teens to us old folks it was inspiring and encouraging. I like to tell stories about what God has taught me. Many times I begin with Darryl telling me that he asked God why the pipe was sticking out of the ground and God told him. Sis Woodward told me one time I was “a pepperpot of questions” so I encourage people to ask God questions and tell Him your secrets.
That reference to secrets is helpful because I have things I won’t talk about from the past. But it is safe to tell God.
The next week we participated in interpretation of tongues which is something I have never done before. I have shared words or pictures God gave me. We were told to speak in tongues a few sentences then ask God what we said. Some didn’t get an interpretation (one is new to Spirit filled) but her sister who took to this like a duck to water did. By the end of the class one of the worship leaders began to pray in tongues and when he paused a different person every time got the interpretation. It was so delightful. I have never been in a practical class like this ever although I have watched and learned.
Last week we talked about discerning whether a spirit was from God or not. We did have someone who disrupted church recently proclaiming we could not judge him as he served the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and wanted nothing to do with Jesus. People were disturbed and some left but most grabbed a couple of prayer warriors and prayed and it was a blessing to do that. But this was more practical for the rest if the class we dealt with guilt and shame and reactions to bad circumstances and abuse. One thing that hit me was that they said that outward sickness is a sign of inward sickness. This caused me to see there are things I have believed about myself that aren’t true. And as much as I hear from God I freak out when computers sabotage what I am trying to do. Yet, I don’t want to quit trying when my husband says to quit.
I wrote down some of what was happening and talked to the leader and he said next week we were talking about healing and they would hear from God and pray for me. This is making me nervous until just now I realized God can be trusted. So I would appreciate prayer on Monday night .
We had a zoom prayer meeting last night with the church ,Tree of Life, that Steve and Malana and Gary and I started. Now we live in different states but are in contact on a regular basis. Malana did such a good job praying for me and also others. It was a blessing.
Love you bunches. Thanks for sharing.
Kay
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