Life often happens in waves.  We had some beautiful spring- like days this week and went to the beach!  No wind made it so peaceful.  The waves were lapping the shore and some of my grandchildren actually took off their shoes, rolled up their pants and waded in.  I have been at this same beach under very different circumstances.  Instead of the peaceful lapping of the waves, they came crashing in so strong that people in wet suits were surfing them!

These past few weeks I admit I have been struggling to gain my footing–my weakness showed up as I kept receiving “difficult and sad/bad news” from many different areas.   I felt the waves crashing over me, almost like I was drowning.  I knew there was a solid rock under my feet.  I knew His love was holding me, caring for me, healing me–some where inside my spirit.  I still trusted Him.  But as I tried to help, encourage, hold steady those with the “difficult, sad/bad news” my eyes became focused on their stories instead of His story.  As I crashed into the waves I drank the salt/bitter water, I got sand in my eyes instead of focusing on Him, instead of feeling His warm robe of righteousness I felt a cold dripping mess.  Thankfully, by His grace and His love I am back on the solid rock–trusting these “difficult, sad/bad stories” have the hope of His intervention. He is washing the sand from my eyes, I am drinking from His well and wearing the robe of righteousness He so graciously provides. The storms of my family and friends are real, difficult and overwhelming at times.  But I am so grateful that He is not overwhelmed by them.  He has a plan.

I also retired this week.  I retired from being Mighty Mouse!  For those of you too young to remember it was a cartoon from 1942 to 1961.  Part of the theme song was “Here I come to save the day!”.  That is not my job.  We have a very qualified, powerful Savior and I am not him.  I was not even aware that I had taken on this role–but thankfully the Holy Spirit let me know!  Spending time praying in the Spirit, worshiping Him and extra time in the Word is bringing me out into a faith full place once again. Humbling to be sure!

Darryl Rodman wrote in His book Heart Treasure:  “When we are weak we need to believe that God will come to us where we are in His strength, and take us to where He is calling us.  We are not to vainly try to climb up out of the weakness we are in, but to invite Him to come where we are in our weakness, so that He can lift us up and out and establish us in His strength by His grace.”  This is why it takes faith to embrace our weakness as an opportunity to actually become stronger in our weaker areas.  When multitudes of “difficult,sad/bad news” comes, I will take the time I need to make sure my footing is on His solid rock. But I do know if I fall into the sea again, He will lift me up, dry me off and still love me.  Thankfully, I do not fall into the sea as much as I used to–or for the same reasons.  Learning and growing is my heart cry.

I am grateful for patient friends and leaders who when I fall into the sea they are also patient, caring and forgiving.  We need each other.

Last week we saw how Moses, God’s man of the hour used open and honest communication when talking to the Lord.  As any leader, he faced joys, sorrows and disappointments with those he led.  Even though the Lord warned him of what his people were doing while he was up on the mountain with God, hearing the people raucously partying while honoring a false idol was too much for him.  His anger caused him to throw down the stone tablets God, himself, had written on.  This leader, in order to preserve God’s reputation argued with God when the Lord wanted to destroy them. Possibly Moses’ discussion with the Lord about not destroying the people was accurate, but at that time more theory and when the reality of the people’s sin, he was overcome.

Loving people in theory is always easy.  Reading instructions in the Bible to feed the hungry, to care for the widows, to take care of the sick is not too difficult.  Reading about how we need to forgive to be forgiven might be a bit more difficult, but in theory it is easy to say yes.

When Moses came down off the mountain he came face to face with the fact his own brother’s character.  Aaron had been his spokesman during the conflict with Pharaoh.  He was his right hand man so to speak.  I am sure they had many conversations about the amazing miracles God did for them.  They shared history.  They shared the triumph of the miracle of the Red Sea.  Let’s speculate that while Moses was up on the mountain, he too had begun to have doubts.  Maybe he began to wonder, suppose something happened to him, and I am going to be the leader?  Perhaps the people voiced his own fears, which is why he quickly collected the gold, oversaw the melting of it and the casting of the mold into the golden calf.  It was Aaron who authorized the celebration of the idol.  (Exodus 32)

We can assume that, when, Moses asked who is on the Lord’s side, Aaron joined Moses.  He probably was part of the Levite team that helped mete out God’s punishment.  We can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Aaron had spoken faith, encouragement to trust the Moses and His God if three thousand people’s lives would have been saved.  Living loved means not forgiving in theory, but in reality.  It is not easy, but the more we know we are loved, the easier it becomes to forgive and love others.

We can learn at least two things from this story.  Our actions matter.  We affect others by our faithful words, or our doubt filled words.  We may be the Aaron for someone who needs to forgive us and our actions, or we may be Moses who continues to lead flawed people.  Probably in our lifetime, we are both.  Let’s keep on living loved and loving the best we can.

 

Like most people, these past few months in my life have had its challenges.  Navigating life, trusting the Lord for myself and others is not always easy or simple.  These life challenges either lead us to Him, or perhaps cause us to take a step or two back wondering if He is the trustworthy  God we want Him to be.  We all experience “bad news”.  This bad news can range from it is going to rain on our picnic, to a loved ones death or serious diagnosis.  How we walk it out depends on our understanding of God and His loving care.  The kind of bad news that shakes our world to its core reveals the status of our trust in His Word and who He is.  I do not have this all figured out–but I do know that He is dependable, trustworthy.  Reading through the book of Exodus, I came to chapter 33.  If you haven’t read that book lately–refresh yourself with its story.

Moses is God’s main man in this part of Israel’s story.  He was somewhat of a reluctant leader, but with the power of God working through him, he led the Israelites out of Egypt toward the Promised Land.  I can only imagine how excited and amazed the first part of the journey was, until the journey became more of a reality and difficulties arose.  We see Moses doing his best to relay God’s plans and direction to these people.  They did not always want to listen–a common problem most leaders encounter from time to time!  Bad news, Moses, the people you are supposed to be leading toward the Lord created an false god and are partying while you have been up on the mountain obeying God’s instruction.  Not a fun day to be Moses.  He was angry, but I do not think it made him happy to watch some of the people be fatally punished.  So how did Moses process this bad day?  He talked with the Lord.  None of us have Moses’s responsibility, but we do have the same access to our God!

I love how the Message Bible describes Moses’ conversation with God.  Exodus 33:12-13 Moses said to God, “Look, you tell me, ‘Lead this people,’ but you don’t let me know whom you’re going to send with me.  You tell me, ‘I know you well and you are special to me.’ If I am so special to oyou, let me in on your plans.  That way, I will continue being special to you.  Don’t forget, this is your people, your responsibility.”

God said, “My presence will go with you.  I’ll see the journey to the end.”  Moses said, “If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call this trip off right now.  How else will it be known that you’re with me in this, with me and your people?    They continue with this conversation until verse 17. God said to Moses: “All right, Just as you say; this also I will do, for I know you well and you are special to me.  I know you by name.  How amazing is that!  Because He is no respector of persons, He is saying that to each of us.  I know you well.  You are special to me.  I know you by name.  No matter how rough the journey, how difficult your path.  He knows you.  No matter how many weaknesses you are dealing with, He is with you to strengthen you.  As I read those verses, I just sat back and relaxed, refreshed and encouraged by the fact He knows me well.  I can trust Him to take me through the roughest waters or the hottest fires.  Not always in the ways I would like, but the way that will lead to my blessing and the blessing of others.

The next words from Moses were: “Please. Let me see your Glory.”  As we seek to live our lives, not for ourselves, but for Him life gets simpler. God reassurred Moses that He was with him.  He knew him and that motivated Moses even more to want to reflect His love, power and might with others.  Spending time in prayer talking through the hard things with the Lord always brings me closer to Him and with an even greater desire to see His glory revealed.  How about you?

A few nights ago I had a dream.  In the dream somebody was teaching me a different kitchen skill.  I found myself saying after just a few minutes into the lesson, “Oh, I know. I know.  It is OK”.  But in the dream I knew that I really did not know how to do it the way the instructor was teaching me.  I realized pride had reared it’s ugly head.

Unfortunately this is not just something that has happened in dreams.  As I woke and pondered the dream, I realized I have done this in my real life.  Why and when?  Again it was pride that made me want to cover up my “lack” in that area.  When are the situations that this temptation rears its ugly head?  When I think I should already “know” something.  When I am trying to impress someone.  When I am feeling insecure.  Through this dream God began to uncover another area of my weakness.  Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather in humility value others above yourselves.

Wow, I have to confess this covering up of my weak areas fall into both selfish ambition and vain conceit.  By declaring “I know, I know” when I really don’t is actually lying.  It is also robbery.  It robs me of learning something new, and robs the person sharing with me his/her knowledge and the blessing of sharing something they have learned.  I admit, as I let the Holy Spirit unpack these truths how far off the mark or “sin full” it really is, I had to repent.   So thankful for the grace of God and His forgiveness.  What seemed such a simple cover up can impact our lives in subtle and not so subtle ways.  Who knew such a small part of an inconsequential dream could have led to so many insights.  I am grateful and thankful for the Holy Spirit and His ability to communicate with us truths that help bring light into every dark place.

Here are some scriptures about pride that, once again show us how destructive it truly is.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.  Proverbs 11:2

Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Proverbs 13:10

Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope fora fool than for them.  Proverbs 26:12

Last week I shared about our church’s saying Yes to participate with Tim Tebow”s Foundation outreach “Night to Shine”.  I also shared how I was asked to co-lead the kitchen team, without really understanding the full job description and felt a bit over my head!  In spite of my weakness,  God showed up in some amazing ways!

Before the event I shared with my co-lead Bonnie, that if our “guests” left fed and happy and our kitchen team left happy then we would be successful.  I think both goals were accomplished–not without a few struggles along the way however!  What a joy it was to hear one of our guests exclaim that the brownies were the best she had ever eaten–especially when we struggled to get them baked and cut!  Two volunteers took some of them home to bake–one pan I took out too early thinking it was finished, only to discover after we had filled the oven with frittatas that it wasn’t quite baked through.  He grabbed the pan and took it home and it actually turned out good.  The other gal just did the whole other pan at her home!

Our Thursday morning prep team did such a quick job of cutting the fruits and vegetables that the afternoon volunteers were able to help in some other areas!  One of those areas was to problem solve and plan for the next day and that brought great peace to my mind and heart.  I wish I had taken pictures of our working together.  It truly was an example of many hands making light work. At one point we were two hours from serving and the chicken tenders were not even close to being finished.  I stood at the stove and prayed.  “Lord, we still have two hours to get these all finished.  Please help us figure this out, and multiply the food as we are getting more guests.”  I maybe should not have added that last part, because we had an abundance of food left over!

Sunday, Pastor Michael said he felt like we had about 450 people on campus through out the night.  On the final day we had, I believe 10 more guests sign up–which meant we needed 10 more buddies.  Every guest had a special friend assigned to them.  Each with a completed background check and training.  The administrator of our whole event, Laura, came to each team and asked for volunteers to serve as buddies.  She needed five people from our team (because not only did we register more guests, some of the original buddies came down sick).  I ended up being the runner between our main facility and the respite building for the caregivers.  What a joy to see connections being made with people sharing similar journey’s with their children who have special needs.  The smiles on their faces as I asked several in between my journeys–“are you having a good time?” “Was this worth it for you?”  “Oh yes, yes!”  Was always the reply.  My feet and legs got more of a work out than I planned, but it was so worth it.

We were blessed to have several of our “on the night volunteers” veterans from last years event serve.  They were troopers, standing for hours smiling and serving.  Teleia (our department head), Bonnie and I filled in where we needed.  I learned, once again, the blessing of asking for help, wisdom and the power of a team brain!  The success of the evening fell on the team effort.  There are things we would do differently if there is a next time–we learned a lot.  Again, saying yes as the Lord leads is always worth it.  We did not let fear, frustration or pride keep us from loving on those around us.  Keeping loving attitudes the best we could helped our team stay a team.  “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me”, “Do you need any help” were phrases that helped us overcome our weaknesses and helped us finish strong.  Love never fails prevailed once again.

It is an exciting week here in Oak Harbor.  Our church is hosting “A Night to Shine” with the Tim Tebow Foundation.  It is large undertaking–needing many volunteers to put on this special “Prom Night” for those with special needs in our community and surrounding area.

Sometime in October I received a phone call asking if I would help co-lead the kitchen team under our church’s office assistant. I had just hung up thirty seconds before, receiving news that my sister had cancer.  She was so gracious–she told me not to worry about it, I could talk to her about it later.  All I could think of, was, I could do this.  I did not ask for a clear job description, but just said “sure, I will do it.”  That was back in October.

The event is this Friday night.  We have been planning, prepping and cooking for about 400 meals.  It is the largest “feed” I have ever done.  I am basically functioning as the chef for the event.  Over my head?  Yep! But due to this focus the last few weeks on weakness, I am actually handling it fairly well.   I am learning to lean on Him even more.    Keeping that perspective has helped me release my faith for God to supply every need we are going to encounter.  So many people are praying for this event and the people who are leading the various teams.  It has given me the courage to step up and do my best, because it is not about me.

During my devotions today I read for I was hungry, and you fed me.  I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink.  I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.  I was naked, and you gave me clothing.  I was sick and you cared for me.  I was in prison, and you visited me.   Saying yes to Jesus and His assignments is not really about ourselves.  It is about those we serve in His Name.  I do not know if I would have agreed to it if I had really thought it out–too many “I am not able’s, “I do not know how” etc might have prevented me from saying yes.  But by His mercy and grace I said yes, and so have over three hundred other volunteers!  We are privileged to watch God answer prayer.  I see that the Holy Spirit schooling me about weakness has actually strengthened me to do this task. A couple of days ago I woke up in the night with the realization that I forgot to purchase Bisquick.  This led to a conversation with the Lord about perfection and wanting to do things “right”, which of course is good–but also not really attainable.  Another weak area exposed, but it also showed me how to alter my expectations to doing my best, and letting God’s grace and mercy cover the rest.

We have a great team.  Teleia (our head) asked my friend Bonnie to co-lead as well.  Bonnie is a quiet, behind the scenes but amazing get it done kind of gal.  She is “thought full”…in all the amazing ways we need.  The chef from last year, met with us and helped us with how much food we will need, cooking times and shared hints, tips and ideas on how to make it work.   We were able to ask him questions and they became the strength in our weak areas. God’s Word encourages us to learn from those who have gone before.  Pride can make us feel like we have to re-invent everything…so tiring.

To be part of the team, not only do you need a background check, but you are also required to attend one of two training sessions.  During these training times we discovered God sent us people with skills neither Teleia, Bonnie or I have.  I can see how the Holy Spirit has allowed this meditation on weakness, humility and dependency to prepare me to not only trust Him for directions, but to ask others for their help.  Much prayer has gone into this time.  So many teams of people who have never worked together before are willing to serve with strangers with and for a purpose.

The whole event is bigger than anyone person.  For me, personally, I am stretched to trust the Lord for wisdom, grace and insight as we help lead this team.  After praying, I felt to encourage each one to bring their favorite knives or tools so they would feel comfortable with them.   One gal shyly smiled and later admitted she had some serious knife skills!  (We have a lot of fruit and vegetables to prepare!)  Another man shared he had been a chef at a restaurant.  He can’t come for all the prepping, but shared some helpful hints as well.  Bonnie and I prayed that we will be a team in the kitchen, having fun and enjoying each other.  I am looking forward to meeting new people, learning about them and working toward a purpose bigger than ourselves.  All our guests had such a great time last year.  It is our prayer that they are touched again by God’s love and grace, their caregivers are refreshed and encouraged and the volunteers work together in unity.

So, dear friends, do not be afraid to say yes.  Do not be afraid to step out of your comfort zones.  As I was praying the other day, the Lord said, “This is really not about Night To Shine”, it is something I am using to stretch you and give you confidence for something up the road.  Trust me.”  He has given me insight and understanding of how to coordinate the prep work, the plating and the serving.  I still have some blank areas that I am not sure how to do it, but I don’t need to know them yet.   If God is leading you to do something, do it, even if your weakness looms in your face.  Do not be afraid of saying yes to Him.

Part of me hadn’t planned on sharing this before the event, but it seemed to be the right time.  Please pray for, not only Life Church, but for every venue this event is taking place==  16 different countries!  I’ll let you know next week how it went! 

  It is my heart to encourage God’s people to walk authentically with their God: honoring His position in their life as Savior, Lord and Friend.  I received Jesus as my Savior as a nine year old, one evening laying in my bed–with such an overwhelming understanding of my need for a Savior.  He also became my best friend at the same time.  We lived on an island and I spent much of my alone time walking, playing and talking with Him.  These are some of the things that helped foster my relationship with Him as a child.

I am so very grateful for meeting Him at such a young age.  Parents, do not under estimate the impact of the Good News on your child’s life.  That relationship, that began as a childhood decision, has carried me through so many hard and difficult times.  It is interesting to note that my family did not do a whole lot to foster our relationship with Jesus on a daily basis.  We did go to church and Sunday School on regularly  and we prayed at mealtime.   My first memorization of scripture encouragement occurred during an elementary Sunday School class at the First Methodist Church in Coupeville, WA.  We earned a little gold cross sticker for every memory verse we learned.  Somehow the competition and the encouragement of our teacher was enough.  Parents, do not underestimate the benefit of consistently attending church with your children.  If you feel going to church is a chore, so will your children.  Setting the tone that it is a privilege and a delight to you, will help them as well.

Children are watchers.  They are imitators.  I watched my folks and listened to their conversations about the things of God.  My dad read the Bible openly, my mom did not.  There was a very real difference in the two of them.  My dad always talked about God as if He knew Him!  My mom talked about a more religious side of Him (the do’s and don’ts).  It wasn’t until she was in her 7O’s that she finally had a definite encounter with Him.  She changed, it was amazing.  I started reading the Bible because I saw my dad reading the Bible.  

Deuteronomy 6: 4-9 gives great insight into how to expose, educate and encourage your children to walk in God’s ways.  Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone,   As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or simply close friends to young people, the greater we walk with God alone and not have other smaller gods as our idols; the easier it will be for them to want to follow Him.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength–if we develop a genuine love for the Lord, they will see.  And your must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  It is often the daily choices we make that speak the loudest–not often the easiest either!  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  In other words,  as you naturally go through out your day, making God and His ways YOUR ways, using the teaching moments that arise to share His truths will make the most impact.  It becomes a good habit–sharing the wonders of His creation, your own answers to prayers or thanksgiving sets our own focus on things above and not beneath.    This must be done from a heart of grace, mercy and love. Do not let fear become a motivating factor–we must exercise our faith and trust in His character.

I think another important aspects of touching your children’s hearts (or others) so they will taste and see that the Lord is good,  is allowing the fruits of the Spirit to be developed in your life first.  Not easy, is it?  But so important to model and exercise self-control, patience and kindness in our actions towards them.  The amazing truth we want to communicate to our children, is that they need a Savior, and He is available to them.  How wonderful when we share with them our own need for forgiveness, not just in our initial salvation story, but throughout the day–even when relating to them.  As a young mother, I apologized a lot–still do at times with my grandchildren.  Yes, my buttons still get pushed!

Pray.  Pray for your children, asking the Lord to reveal Himself to them.  He knows them better than you do.  We can do all these things, but it is so important that they have their own encounter with Him.  Asking them to pray, and seeing those prayers answered,  builds their faith and confidence in a God who sees and hears them as well.

This is not just a word for parents or grandparents.   It really is a word for all of us.  As we seek to influence those around us for the gospel’s sake: we need to keep Him as Lord alone, love Him with all our heart, write and share His truths as we go.  As we seek to develop the fruit of the Spirit and demonstrate kindness and forgiveness we can’t help but shine His light in this dark world.  

About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them.  Then he sid, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.  So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Spend anytime around little children and you discover, for the most part, they love to ask questions.  I have nine wonderful grandchildren–ages 18 months to 15 years.  Of course they very in interests and needs, but the amazing thing about the little ones is the liberty they have in asking their questions.  The shocking thing is they expect me to have the answers!!  The wonderful thing about our heavenly Father, is that He does have answers.  Are we humble enough to ask the questions that are really on our hearts?

Sometime before Christmas I had a heart to heart conversation with the Lord about missing hearing Darryl worship the Lord with his guitar every morning as I would spend time with the Lord.  We never recorded these intimate times, I guess I just took them for granted.  Many times, actual songs would evolve from these special moments.  One of them, Promised Land, God gave him for a series of meetings we planned for a church in East London, UK.  It has been years since I have heard that song, but it was so alive and anointed, that I longed to hear it again.  It became the signature song of those meetings.  It was a desire of my heart to hear that song again, but even though I knew it was impossible, I talked to the Lord about it,. I  simply shared my heart with Him.

Imagine my shock, surprise and blessing, to find out that my daughter had found a cassette her dad had made for her while she was a student at Whitworth University.  This very song was one of three he mailed to her.  She had purchased a cassette to MP3 converter and emailed me a copy of that song!  I had not shared with her my heart cry to hear that song or even mentioned it to her.  Only the Holy Spirit knew of my desire, and what I thought was impossible became not only possible, but real.  During my time of prayer with the Lord about this desire, I felt like a little child whining to Him about something that nothing could be done about.  I even remember, telling Him I was sorry for talking to Him about it, and asked Him to help me be content with my present and not long so much for the past.

Hearing this song, not only met a heart cry, but the words are so encouraging they propel me forward in faith.  One of my granddaughters is very persistent in her asking.  She is tenacious in her requests.  Sometimes this is so annoying, sometimes as she perseveres, she receives.  James 4:2-3 reminds us we have not because we ask not.  Let’s not become weary in our asking from the Lord, because, even if it tarry we believe that He hears us and will send us His answer.  He could have answered with sending me peace, but He had something better in mind!

Promised Land by Darryl Rodman

Lord, you’ve given me exceeding great and precious promises

Lord, you’ve given me everything that pertains to life and godliness

So I’m stepping in, I’m stepping out , cleanse my heart from fear and doubt

I want to live in the Promised Land

I’m moving up, I’m moving on  I want to be where I belong

I’m gonna live in the Promised Land Promised Land Promised Land

Lord,  you’ve given me exceeding great and precious promises

Lord, you’ve given me everything that pertains to life and godliness

Lord, you given me exceeding great and precious promises

Lord, you’ve given me everything that pertains to life and godliness

So I’m stepping in,  stepping out cleanse my heart from fear and doubt

I want to live in the Promised Land

I’m moving up, moving on

I want to be where I belong, I gonna livein the Promised Land  Promised Land Promised Land

So I’m stepping in, stepping out cleanse my heart from fear and doubt

I want to live in the Promised land, Promised Land Promised Land

2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  As I turn once again to meditate on how to view my weaknesses and allow God’s strength to shine through I realized how chained I am with my own pride.  Pride (in-ordinate self-esteem or conceit) is a subtle but destructive, task master.  He keeps us bound by our own thoughts–effectively limiting our growth and progress.  He stands behind with his whip–don’t ask for help, don’t seek wisdom from others, don’t admit your need.  He threatens shame, disclosure and humiliation.

I know I have been manipulated by his control on and on through out my life.  But I also recognize that through the power of the Holy Spirit the complete hold he used to have on my life has been shrinking.  I see progress!  I am so grateful that as I humble myself under the power of the Lord, I do not have to serve pride master, but I am set free to serve my true Master.  It is marvelous.

Our Life Group has been studying the book of James.  We were finishing up this week with the passage that included are any of you sick?  You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the LOrd.  Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick and the Lord will make you well.  And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.  Confess  your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. (James 5:14-16)  It is frustrating to admit that I have not felt well since December 28.  I came down with some kind of bug–fever, headache etc.  I began to feel a bit better by January 3, but then came down with some kind of sinus thing January 5.  I have dealt with sinus stuff before, and it wipes me out.  Talk about feeling weak!  Tuesday, January 16–I was in at my church in the office, because I had been studying this passage, I felt I needed to ask the people there to pray for me for the final vestiges to be gone.  It is hard to admit, yes, I still do not feel as strong as I need to be.  So I asked.  Suddenly our lead pastor shows us, and they graciously prayed for me.

Somehow we ended up discussing the different levels of faith and he encouraged me to word my confession of faith.  I think we both realized we need  and want to grow more in all levels of faith.  As I pondered our conversation I realized that there are some areas of my “faith” muscles that I have exercised a lot and they are strong because of their use.  Other areas not as much.  Asking them to pray for me came after I had prayed much for myself.  The next few weeks are going to be extremely busy and taxing and to be honest the level of strength I had that day, I did not think I could fulfill my obligations.  I believe Jesus is my healer and my Great Physician.  I know He hears me when I cry out to Him.  I trust Him. But I obeyed the scriptures, and asked.

So later that day, I was with my daughter in law.  She mentioned that when Andrew my son, took his multiple vitamins he stayed healthy, had I considered it?  This is where the confession aspect kicked in.  For some reason, this past holiday season came with an extra dose of grief and I confess, a bit of depression.  Several unexpected deaths, medical diagnosis of others stirred up past emotions.  I stopped taking my vitamins, did not eat as healthy as I normally do–no wonder I was having difficulty getting stronger.  For those of you who are not aware, grief is also sneaky.  It can show up in some ways you don’t always recognize at first.  The Holy Spirit whispered, “it is grief”.  OK, show me how to walk out this new trial, Father.  More worship, more tears, more grace, plus more grand-kid hugs, and I made it through.  But with a weakened body.  So now it is time to make better choices.

What do you hate to admit?  Maybe that is an area where pride, the taskmaster is holding you hostage.  Even when the Holy Spirit whispered “it is grief”, I did not want to acknowledge it.  I did not want to admit I was struggling with depression. The pride master had me in his grips.  When I began to admit my struggle, things began to turn around.  Thank God we serve a God who sets us free and wants us to run to him when we are in our times of trouble.  I admit at times I am still learning that lesson.  When we live under pride master authority, instead  of God’s authority, we live smaller, less effective lives. When we confess our weakness, or need, it is then we can receive the help we are seeking

.  Even if it is a vitamin!